I remember the first time I step in to that building. The building is old and has been repainted several times. I went alone. I am man enough  to be there my self when later on, I heard from my other friends that they went to that building with their parents. It was January 2004. I lost my dad 2 years before due to ischeamic heart disease. I believe that it was the complication of his long standing type 2 diabetes mellitus.

Yeah, I still have my mom. But I do not have this heart to make things difficult for her. She was 64 at that time. I can do it my self. After all, it just about meeting the right person, take some forms, and that’s it. I wonder why my other friends need to do that with their parents. I do not remember the date exactly. But it is the day when I apply for the government student loan.

I introduced my self to the person in charge. She was this little and sweet lady and she’s helpful. I get the form, it is yellow in colour. It’s a pretty simple form for half a million government student loan that I am going to ask from them. But, the things that you need to complete was not that simple. They need this and that. They even need my dad’s death certificate. Perhaps there cases where students fake their dad’s death just to get the government student loan. LOL.

That form can’t be completed on the day itself. As I said, they need several document the clarify certain things, mainly about income of the house. I know that I am very much eligible if that is the case. My mom was a teacher, and she’s retired. I had 4 sisters, and I can’t depend on them. They have their own family to take care of. Additionally, among my 4 sisters, only 1 working permanently. 1 is still studying and doing her masters. The other 2, they are professional housewives.

My family helps me a lot in the way of completion of this form. But, what do I meant by the “Letter for The Government Student Loan“. I didn’t tell this earlier but one of the other requirement that I need to fulfill was; I need to write a letter and tell them about “Why I want to be a doctor and what is my future plan once I manage to be one?”.

I heard about the title of the letter before. But I do not know why it’s sounds so cliche.

Without doubt, I always feel sad when I talk about my student loan. For 5 years in the medical school, I have been sponsored by a government student loan. Supposedly, the government student loan is awarded to the students who had excel in their exams during secondary school or pre-university matriculation. I rarely one of them. In fact, I get my student loan because of my race. In my country, the native people will have this “special case status” where they will be prioritize in competition for scholarship or even for student loan.

My student loan isn’t exactly a loan. It is more towards convertible loan, which means, if I perfom well in my exams for the whole course, it will eventually be converted to a scholarship. However, the fact that I failed twice in my previous professional exams and need to repeat that particular semester… Well, you know what it’s mean. I  need to pay the full amount of the money has been spent by the government on me. It is not a big deal for me. Not because I am rich, but because I understand my responsibility. Every debt need to be paid.  Since the loan is given by the government, it means that I am using people’s money. What come from the people, need to be returned to the people.

By getting the government student loan and considered to be “special”, I am not proud of it. I am actually feel sad. Why in my very own country, which is said as prosperous and harmony, I still need to borrow. While at the same time, I heard everyday that the government spent billions and billions of money to the area that I do not give benefit for the most people. More overly, that billions project that I talked about are poured to only some regional group of crooks. The crooks get the money, and the people can only borrow for their education. How ridiculous is that? Is that the sign of good governance?

To be honest, I will be more proud if all of my study expenses is paid by my parent and not the government. I believe that’s what all parents should do. It is parent’s responsibility to give education to their children without depending too much on the government student loan or scholarship. But I can’t do much. My parents were just teachers and the cost to make me a doctor in this country is about half a million. They could not afford that amount by just being a teacher. That is why the “special case situation” is not good for the people especially who are just as the same race as me. They will just tend to easily satisfied with what they have and do not want to work and gain for more.

Perhaps now I can only talk about this matter. But, I made a promise to my self. Once I have children, boys and girls, as much as I could I will make sure that I will educate them all without depending on any government student loan or even private student loan.

Back to the question of where to get student loan; I don’t really know since every country will have their own loan programme or scholarship for students. I think the best way is to refer to your country’s education ministry or finance ministry. If they do not have the answer, throw the government out in the next election. LOL.

This is my first week in anaesthesia posting. In fact, anaesthesia posting is my very first posting in my brand new semester 9. In my school, anesthesia posting is combined together with radiology posting. They are actually just a minor posting. When I say minor, it means that we suppose to have fun during the posting. What you expect to learn in duration of just 2 weeks on each posting? We need to understand that anesthesiology and radiology are actually a very specialize field. 2 weeks time is just a ridiculous duration for a medical student to know everything about “How to give gas?” and “How to see like a Superman?“. However, for surface exposure, I still believe that these 2 postings is very useful in term of giving exposure to medical student so that we know something about it. At the end of the day, this is medicine and you can’t afford to know nothing. LOL!

Awkward enough, I found anestesiology quite interesting when my other colleague says vice versa. Some might even says that anesthetist “Think nothing, do nothing”. I heard from my brother-in-law before. He said that he had quite a number of friend who are doctors, try to specialize in anesthesiology. It suppose to take 4 years. But then again, most of them “graduate early”. Hope you understand my synicism so that I don’t need to explain further. Based on his story, I know that eventhough anesthetist’s job seem to be easy – knock out the patient and sit down right afterwards; it is not an easy things to learn.

Well… Since I am currently in anesthesiology posting, I will put some effort to note down some important notes in my subsequent post in this blog.  In anesthesiology, it is important for us to know types of anesthesia, commonly drugs used in anesthesia, common complication of anesthesia, management of airway in anesthesia, care of the unconcsious patient, care of the critically ill patient and a few other subjects that I will write on next time.

Few years ago, when people ask me why I want to be a doctor, to be honest, I do not have the answer. At least the answer that can satisfy me. I join medical school merely because I can. I got quite a good result in my exam, even it is not that excellent, it is sufficient enough for me to join medical school and be one of those “doctors wannabe” creatures.

I’ve been in that kind of condition for years, knowing nothing about the purpose of why I am here.  There is this feeling of proud when you say that “I am a medical student studying in so and so university or medical school”, but really, it is just that. I considered my self lost in medical school. I ain’t doing well in this field. I feel that I just do not have the talent beside the usable brain that I have awarded by The Creator. You know,  sometimes talent are just everything. Remember “Good Will Hunting”?.

In “Good Will Hunting”, the subject (I’m sorry, I didn’t remember his name) were not even a student in the university. He was just a house keeper who keep the floor clean. That is the talent that I am talking about. Some people are just gifted. Well, I am not, at least in this field. I know that this is quite a spiritual discouragement for some, but before that feeling comes and takes over you, I would also love to remind you about “Cinderella Man”.

I do not want to talk about the “Cinderella Man” here. You need to watch the film to understand why I would like you to refer to him when everythings not doing so well. “Pursuit of Happyness” is the other movie that you should watch. I learn one thing in those movies. Believe in yourself and believe in what you are doing. Make sure that everything that you want to do, you have purpose out of it. It will helps you a lot in defining something that you can barely understand.

And yes. I blog about medicine because I finally understand why I am here. I am here because HE wants me to be here. HE must has a very good reason, so that I stay.

I love obstetrics and gynecology very much. I do not know why, but I feel there is a satisfaction feeling every time I am welcoming a newborn to this hectic world. Gosh! I just love the sensation. Once the baby starts crying, I always feel that I am the one who have been re-born. And I can feel that way, everyday in my obstetrics posting.

Pregnancy on the other is a different story. I understand the feeling of anxiety in a pregnant mother especially in primigravida mother (a jargon used for a mother who is pregnant for the first time). They have no experience in delivery; needless to say, they don’t even have the experience in pregnancy itself. LOL.

Well… Anxiety is not a good thing. People make money out of it. Believe me because today, I would like to tell a story about fetal doppler rental:

It was in one day, when I do some research for my presentation in one of my obstetrics class, I found this words; fetal doppler rental. I am curios. Thus, I search more about this magic phrase of fetal doppler rental. Actually I search for some time because I can’t quite figure out what the thing actually is.

As far as I am concern, I only know that we use doppler once in a while in our obstetric ward to assess the blood circulation in fetal umbilical arteries and vein. Basically it is used for fetal monitoring surveillance. We want to know how the baby is doing. Is she or he is fine or otherwise. That’s the basic concept of it.

The fact that I found fetal doppler machine only in hospital makes me wonder what does fetal doppler rental means. From my understanding, it just means that – there are these companies, who have  several doppler machines, and out of pregnant mothers’ anxiety, they offer it out for rent.

It is true enough. After my further research, now I know that pregnant mothers can also rent fetal doppler machine to listen to theirs fetal heart rate every time before they sleep. One of the classically used maneuver to monitor fetal condition is “Cardiff’s Count to Ten Kick Chart”. But this fetal doppler monitoring machine… Does it really indicated or should I just call this fetal doppler rental service as unnecessary luxury?

Tell me what do you think about fetal doppler rental service that uprisingly available nowadays. I want to hear some opinion.

1. Set the time to sleep and wake everyday and no daytime naps.

2. Conducive sleep environment:

* Bedroom for sleep
* Temperature
* Noise
* Lighting

3. Light dinner at least three hours before sleep.

4. Avoid caffeine after 5 p.m (coffee, tea, Chinese tea, cola and dark chocolate).

5. Avoid alcohol / cigarettes.

6. Exercise (eg: aerobic) 5 hours before sleep.

7. Hot water bath 2 hours before sleep.

8. Hot milk-based drink before sleep.

9. Preparing for sleep – developing a ritual:

* Brush teeth
* Activity that requires less concentration / effort
* Change into sleep attire
* Read a book

10. If you can’t fall asleep, don’t lie in bed. Move to another room and read / watch TV till you feel sleepy again. Associate your bed with sleep.

Hope this information  may help you solve your sleep problem!

Stress relaxation techniques such as breathing exercises, progressive muscular relaxation or yoga complement the treatment. Peer support or talking to others who may have undergone the same illness helps to instill hope and understanding. Depression is a relapsing illness but you can prevent relapses by various techniques that your Doctor will be able to advise you.

Tips to Helping Yourself

What to eat?

Your diet can make a big difference in how you feel. Some of the important things in diet is:

* Limiting your intake of fats, sweets, and alcohol
* Eating plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables
* Drinking lots of water
* Reducing salty snacks and soft drinks
* Avoiding high fatty and deep-fried foods

Exercise is essential

* Proper exercise does so many good things for your body. It can raise your energy level, reduce tension, and even relieve tiredness or fatigue.
* Going for a walk or a jog a few times a week can improve your health and your overall sense of well-being.
* Your body releases a substance called endorphins. One job of endorphins is to decrease the sensation of pain that your body may be feeling and increase a sense of feeling good. Exercises helps release endorphins.
* When you’re focusing on the exercise activity, you may often forget your day-to-day worries. Taking your mind off these gives you a “mental break” that can make all the difference.

Talking to others

* The role of your family, friends, religion is important in helping you to overcome your depression. Moreover, you need to know that there is someone you can talk to, openly and honestly.
* It is important that you remember that there are people who do care about what you’re going through, and they want to know how you feel.